No matter what the circumstances, breakups are never fun. Whether it was a blindsided heartbreak or an amicable parting of ways, losing someone who was once a big part of your life leaves your heart at least a little bruised.
And let’s be honest – breakup advice can be a bit all over the place. From “get back out there” to “get him back”, it can be hard to make sense of the aftermath.
I want you to know that you’re not alone. Almost all of us go through this at one point or another, and while it’s hard, it does get easier.
While every situation is different, I’ve learned that are 10 things that are almost always helpful to hear after a breakup. They might not be easy to hear, but they’re important.
1. It Sucks
For everyone telling you “keep your chin up”, and “everything happens for a reason”, hear this — what you’re going through sucks. It just does. Whether it was an amicable breakup, a n unexpected betrayal, or the casually cruel loss of someone in your life, it sucks. Your pain is valid, the adjustment period you’re going through is hard, and all of this is uncomfortable.
2. Don’t Try and Talk Yourself Out of Feeling —
hurt, anger, rejection, betrayal, whatever it is. Your healing is a journey, a process, and denial will only delay it. While it may be worth temporarily putting it out of your head to live your life and avoid drowning in your sorrows, pretending like nothing happened won’t serve you or your future. It’s gonna hurt, but you need to let yourself feel it.
3. You’re Incredible
Regardless of what happened or caused the end of this relationship, your worth is the same as it was when it began. You were created with intention, born with purpose, and are intricately unique. No one’s opinion could ever change or affect that. You are immeasurably valuable.
4. You are Loved
As humans, we crave to be fully known and deeply loved. We hate to admit it, but sometimes the ending of a relationship can leave us feelIng fully known and entirely unloved. This is not true. In fact, I’m willing to be that there’s a lot of people around you who love you deeply. Seeing it might feel impossible right now. Feeling it is likely even harder, but as best you can, embrace the truth that you are loved. By people around you, friends, family, and most importantly, by the One who created you in the first place.
5. No One Can Tell You How to Grieve
As established, most breakup advice sucks. And yeah, people are trying to help. There’s a time and a place when you may even want them to. But only you know your mind and heart. Self care begins when you’re willing to advocate for yourself. Asking for what you need and taking time and space to simply be however you need to is a huge part of post-breakup healing.
6. Every Relationship is a Mix of Good and Bad
For the most part, anyway, every relationship is a mix of both wonderful things and hard ones. I don’t know if it’s a girl thing or an everyone thing, but it seems like post-breakup we all just resign to bashing the person you were dating. And hey, maybe it’s cathartic — but focusing on the bad and assuming the worst doesn’t lead to peace. In all likelihood, your journey to healing will be much more effective if you can find a way to honour the good while knowing that you deserve better.
7. Find a Way to be Thankful for What You’re Learning Through it
Feeling and processing is key, but be careful not to drown yourself in misery and sorrow. Gratitude is the key to a happy and mindful heart. If you’re having a hard time being thankful for your singleness, be thankful for everything you’re learning through this journey. Everything we go through makes us who we are, and the pain you’re feeling now will leave you stronger on the other side. Choose growth, respect, and self love for yourself during this process.
8. Try New Things
One of the most important steps of healing post-breakup is recreating the parts of your life that used to deeply involve another person. Find some new hobbies, try a new coffee shop, make new friends who won’t trigger painful memories. You don’t need to eliminate the good things that are there, but creating and finding new parts of your life will be a refreshing change.
9. Your Past Does Not Dictate Your Future
Say it louder for the people in the back. No matter what regrets you have, what moments you wish you could undo, people you wish you could’ve fallen out of love with sooner, your past does not dictate your future. Embrace it. Learn from it. But don’t let it hold you down.
10. You Haven’t “Missed Your Chance”
I don’t believe in soul mates. I can’t promise you that the perfect person for you is right around the corner. But I can tell you that love has a lot more to do with choice than we give it credit for. If you want to be in a relationship, put yourself out there. Meet people and make yourself available. Don’t make it your goal, purpose, or ideal in life, but it’s okay to explore some options.
Ultimately, while this doesn’t undo the pain you’re going through – nothing surprises God. He knows what you’re feeling, and He knows what’s coming still for you. God doesn’t play games. He’s not messing with you. You are loved so deeply by the Creator, and your story isn’t over.
Relationships are something we were built for. From the very beginning of the Bible, that’s clear. But your worth isn’t affected or determined by your relationship status, and in the end, the only approval that really matters is the Lord’s.
Seek it, crave it, and fall in love with Him. Fulfill the calling He has placed on you, and use this opportunity to draw near to Him, even in the midst of suffering.
You are so loved. The Creator calls you valuable, chosen, and worthy in His sight. There is no one and nothing that can separate you from His love.
To read more from Anika, visit her website.