In the world of dating, there is a lot of talk about red flags. Not that we always listen, but it’s definitely a conversation – and an important one. When you start seeing someone, it’s crucial to take note of things that concern you, even if they’re not necessarily deal breakers. But sometimes we’re so focused on looking for red flags that we miss the green ones.
We’re all different but there are certain traits that we all want in a partner. We often need to take a step back and seriously consider if our partners’ green flags outweigh the red ones.
Ultimately, your relationships are your choices. But the person that you pick to be your person matters and these “green flags” are good indicators of their true character. Here are 5 green flags to look out for.
1. Are they kind?
Kindness is underrated. The word gets thrown around so much that we forget how essential it is. Figuring out if the person you are dating is kind is easier than you may think. Pay attention to the way they treat you and other people around them. Cliche rom-coms romanticize the idea of a partner who treats you like a jewel but everyone else like trash. That is not romantic. It is a big warning sign!
How do they treat servers? How do they speak to and about those they’ve had conflict with?
The reality is, if your relationship lasts, you’re not always going to be in the puppy love stage. There will be tension and conflict. You will disagree and that is totally okay! What matters is that you find someone you feel safe with even in those disagreements. That you choose a partner who is kind even when they are angry, who doesn’t seek to hurt others or take pleasure in causing or witnessing pain.
2. Are they consistent?
Are they the same with you as they are with their friends and family? Do their interests, personality, or morals change according to who they’re with? It’s easy to unconsciously censor ourselves depending on who we’re around, but it’s another thing entirely if this person is pretending to be someone else entirely.
Do they consistently treat you well? Do you feel supported and cared for?
Relationships are a two-way street. You need someone who is going to be your partner in every sense of the word.
3. Do they prioritize spiritual growth?
Does this person value their relationship with God over everything else? Are they willing to work with you to make Christ the centre of your relationship and your lives? We’re each on a personal journey with the Lord, and every season looks different. But at the end of the day, finding someone who takes ownership, prioritizes growth, and presses into God when things are hard is an incredibly valuable thing.
4. Are they humble?
One of the most precious gifts to find in someone is humility. A good relationship requires work, sacrifice, and a lot of hard conversations. When you approach them with humility, you can hear and understand your partner, receive and extend grace, and work towards a solution more effectively.
How does your partner respond when you bring up things that bother you? Are they open minded, willing to acknowledge their own shortfalls, and eager to meet your needs? This is SUCH a beautiful quality. Humility from both sides will protect your relationship from unnecessary conflict and create a solid foundation for growth.
5. Are you a team?
When you commit to someone for life you’re also committing to going through every aspect of life together. The good times, the bad times, and the messes. Your partner needs to be your teammate. You’re never going to agree on everything, or see eye to eye on everything, and that’s okay! In fact, it’s good! What’s important is that through all the disagreements, big and small, you’re a team. Are you in it together?
When you and your partner are on the same side, when you’re working together to find a solution, you’re ready for anything! When you prioritize communication and each other over being right or your own sense of pride the hard seasons are a lot easier.
Dating can be brutal, and there are a lot of people out there who aren’t right for you. But while you’re looking for red flags, noticing the “yikes” traits, and scanning someone for potential, don’t forget to look for, take note of, and celebrate all of the good that they have to offer. Green flags are equally as important to note.
As you get to know someone, ask the Holy Spirit to help you see who they really are. Don’t be afraid to seek counsel from people you trust, and look for opportunities to ask good questions, try new things together, and explore the potential that’s there.
To read more from Anika, visit her website.